Ok, so I naively thought this day would never come, but I’ve been caught. I foolishly believed I could go through adulthood without this resurfacing 13 years later, but people remember and the internet is vast. After more than a few “Who, me? I don’t know what you’re talking about, haha” denials, I’m coming clean. My name is Sherry $herdog, and I was on MTV when I was 17. It was easily the most embarrassing compilation of moments ever edited together.
I’m an over-sharer, so some readers might wonder why I tried to hide this video. To those people I’d say: it’s one thing to invite people into your home and accidentally expose a bra in a video or share an interview where you flail around nervously or admit you wander around covered in dog fur and cream cheese smears, but it’s another to say, “Let’s travel back to my most awkward moments as a seventeen-year-old lifeguard who was surprised with the chance to interview Eminem on a show called FANatic on MTV — and here’s the whole thing on video for us to watch together.” Excuse me while I giggle uncontrollably for ten minutes. I do that when I’m nervous.
Let me reveal a few things: shows like this are a little staged. That’s not to imply I wasn’t obsessed with Marshall Mathers (I definitely was), but there are prompts you’re encouraged to use so you come across as the most deserving fan. Lines like “I aspire to be a rapper someday” were suggested. Yes, I once performed with my friend Mariam at a high school talent show, wearing orange puffy vests and belly shirts as a parody of Eminem and Dre’s “Forgot About Dre,” but it was a Jersey thing and not meant to be taken seriously. No, I didn’t actually plan to tour the country as a famous female rapper when I grew up.
Of course the show set up situations too, like taking us to the old burger joint where Eminem once worked before the interview…
…and as a teenager it was thrill enough to see a random restaurant and think, “he really worked here just a few years ago flipping burgers?” Fun fact: the people I’m serving at that table in the restaurant are actually the limo driver and a production assistant who rode with us.
Another bit of trivia: I hardly knew the girl who surprised me at the pool and accompanied me on the whole day. MTV required that any “friend” accompanying a featured fan be 18, or else a parent had to come along, which would have complicated things. When I went through the “you might be a finalist” phase, they asked for a list of friends; I gave names of my best 17-year-old pals, and they subtly suggested I include someone over 18. The woman who worked at the Marriott front desk, where I’d lifeguarded for years, got listed and was the surprise friend they chose. And yes, being in a limo at 17 was still incredibly cool — especially when you flash the peace sign with your sleeves rolled up.
Here’s the truly mortifying part. At some point in the interview the word “phat” inexplicably slipped out of my mouth. I had never used that word before and haven’t since. I can only blame losing my mind at the thought of sitting next to a hip-hop star and somehow thinking $herdog could pull off a term like that. I couldn’t. It echoed in my head for the rest of the interview while I grinned and giggled like a nervous lunatic. Much of this is what I call “retroactively embarrassing” — at the time it felt awesome and I was thrilled to have been chosen — but the moment I realized I’d said “phat” on national television I wanted to punch myself.
Then they asked me to rap. Repeatedly. It’s bad. Very, very bad. And about the pigtails: I wanted to wear a ponytail and an armband, but the crew gently suggested pigtails and no armband. I’m grateful they vetoed the armband, but the pigtails still felt odd. So without further ado…
How did I even get on the show? My friends dared me to send in a tape because I was a devoted fan, and they thought I might be chosen. I truly believed I had no chance, so I did ridiculous things that I assumed would never air (like sitting in a tub full of M&M’s) because I was sure I wouldn’t make the cut.
MTV also does a kind of cruel thing to ensure a genuine surprise. They keep you in frequent contact while collecting details like “what you would ask if chosen” and “who you’d bring as a friend,” then they tell you you’re a semi-finalist but not confirmed, and finally they go silent for a few weeks. That radio silence makes you swing from hopeful to crushed when you think you didn’t make it, which is cruel if you were imagining being flown to Detroit to meet Eminem.
That’s when you forget about the tub full of M&M’s and it transforms in your memory into The Coolest Thing You’ve Ever Done rather than The Most Embarrassing Thing Ever a decade later. I have to admit it was a blast as a teenager: I flew with a camera crew without my parents, stayed in a cool hotel, and met Marshall, who was genuinely nice. Oddly specific memory: he had the best-looking hands I’d ever seen. He even kissed my neck, which at the time made me fantasize we’d marry and name our hypothetical kids Slim, Shady, and Stan. I even took a photo of my neck afterward. I’m that person. (And yes, I somehow ended up with a great guy named John — still can’t believe it.)
So I’m grateful for the experience. It just felt like something I wouldn’t want to cue up and watch with everyone to relive my teenage awkwardness. But I guess my “secret past” is out. In short: it was amazing (it even made the morning announcements at my high school), and I never imagined footage from a defunct show from over 13 years ago would end up on YouTube. Oh well. The cat phat’s out of the bag.
Your turn: tell me your most embarrassing secret so we’re even. Go.